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My Husband Has Neglected Our Marriage Because I Aborted His ‘Son’

My Husband Has Neglected Our Marriage Because I Aborted His ‘Son’

Dear Ma,

I need the house to advise me on this matter. I am really pained about the situation. My name is Miriam (not real name). I am from the middle belt. Married to a man from Delta. We met here in Lagos about 11 years ago and got married 9 years ago.

We have three children,all female children. Giving birth to these children has been the most challenging times of my life. Its only by God’s power that I survived the ordeals. Let me start from the beginning. My first pregnancy was a very bad one. From the moment I discovered I was pregnant,I became sick.

My sickness was supposed to be the normal morning sickness for pregnant women but I ended up spending 2 months in hospital and bed rest throughout the pregnancy. I had all kinds of problems,BP,seizures,anemia,etc…just name it. I finally gave birth to a premature baby boy around the 8 month.

My baby was in the ICU and in less than 4 hours of birth, the baby died. The doctors could not understand what happened. It was a very horrible experience for me. I almost died.They said the baby lacked oxygen but they tried to give him oxygen but he still didn’t make it.

After about 8 months. I got pregnant. The same experience. I was in and out of hospital. My family was praying and fasting. They were afraid I would die. When I finally gave birth through CS, my baby girl came out and in another less than 4 hours was gasping for air.

Thank God…there was a specialist there who quickly took charge and they were able to save my baby. I went home and all was well. I got pregnant again under a year. Again, sickness started. Note, I am not a sickler. I am AA. But soon as I get pregnant,all kinds of sickness come upon me.

It was another battle for 9 months. I was like a skeleton. I was barely able to move. The doctor advised us to stop trying to have babies after this one. I gave birth again through CS and it was a baby boy. My husband was elated. His family was happy cos I had given them a boy.

That night….the baby started to cry uncontrollably. I was alarmed. I called my husband cos I was alone in the hospital that night. The baby was rushed to the ICU again. Even though I was in pain from my CS,I went with them to the ICU to the extent that  the stitches removed and I started bleeding.

I fainted and by the time I woke up…my son was dead. I could not understand anytime I have a son…that I loose them. I was ready to take my life. Now…the doctors even warned us to stop having children at this point or I loose my life.

My family began to suspect something was wrong. To the best of my knowledge,I do not hold grudge with anyone…neither do I know if I have offended anyone. Why do I keep loosing my sons? After a traumatic pregnancy? I was inconsolable cos I thought I would never be able to have children cos the doctor said we should stop.

I was placed on family planning. And Things gradually went back to normal. Two Years later,I fell sick. I was always having seizures. Eventually they ran a pregnancy test and me and I was discovered pregnant. I was surprised cos I know I was on family planning. The FP failed me.

Here I was …pregnant again…against the doctors advise. I was scared but also hopeful. Hopeful that this pregnancy would give me another son. By the 7th month,the scan showed I was carrying twins.I was very sick and under admission. Prayers were going on for me around the clock.

My babies were taken out as soon as they were 8 months in the womb. I had 2 lovely twin girls. They were placed under intense observation in the ICU. I was also in the ICU cos I was in critical condition. Finally,we were discharged two and a half months later.

Now,I have 3 girls. God has been merciful to me. I promised myself never to get pregnant again but I had to change my family planning cos the coil failed me. I started taking injections which had me blowing up very fat. I eventually stopped and begged my husband to be using condom.

He always failed me with the condom…I had to fall back to the coil again. My girls are 6 and 2 years. During the lock down,I started falling sick strangely. I was afraid I had the corona virus. But it eventually turned out to be pregnancy. This time, I knew the devil was at work. I cannot be pregnant. I knew this would kill me.

I told my husband I wanted an abortion. He said no. That its a sin. So, I reminded him what the doctors said. And when I went to see my doctor,after examining me..he said…madam..why are you trying God? You should be alive to train your children …stop trying to kill yourself.

So I told my family..they supported me having an abortion. My husband told his mother…she now said she has taken my name for prayers and that the revelation says I will survive this pregnancy and I will have a boy. I was like…so its a boy that is important to them? Not my life?

In June, I was so sick…with seizures that I was rushed to the hospital. I was in induced coma for 2days. When I recovered, I could barely speak. I called my family and told them to help me…I got an abortion. I choose to be alive and not die. Even if its against my husband’s wish.

When my husband discovered I gave permission for an abortion,he went livid and threatened me. I felt really bad…all he wanted was a son??? He later calmed down after some people spoke to him. I was discharged in July. Since then, our lives have never been the same.

My husband has never forgiven me. He barely talks to me. He has changed. And I suspect he is seeing someone else. I am pained and I feel like leaving this marriage. After all my sacrifice…after all I lost. I lost 2 sons…I almost died. I gave him three daughters….yet he treats me like this?

I cannot continue like this….I went to meet the mother to complain to her…do you know this woman blamed me for my sons’ death? That I should search myself. That I must have made a covenant with somebody in my past…that is why my sons keep dying…That I brought bad luck to her son…by depriving him of having a son…that I aborted his son because the prophesy said I was going to have a boy…

I asked her what if I died…is it only sons that are worthy children? After all my ordeal every time I am pregnant? She said women go through challenges through child birth…that I will give birth like Hebrew women…that I should try again to get pregnant.

My mother in-laws words hurt and still hurt. The lack of compassion…I do not deserve this…if this is how my husband and his family feels…what more am I doing here? My family is prepared to help me start all over if I decide to leave because they prefer me alive than die by trying to give my husband a son….

I have been thinking…what is the best thing for me to do….remain here and continue to be treated so badly,to be blamed and called all sorts of names or leave for my peace of mind?

Please advise me…I am really exhausted. So sorry for the long write up…


From Miriam





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